Family Therapy & Systemic Practice

A Bower Place Blog

Archive for June, 2008

Same same but different

Posted by Psych@Bower on 26th June 2008

How are the processes of intimacy and differentiation, and the exchanges of symmetrical and complimentary communication of a couple relationship different in the gay and lesbian relationship?  And if there is no difference in these aspects of the gay and lesbian couple relationship, then how is it that the external world comes to influence them, such that a therapist must be aware and sensitive to these influences and how they are reflected in the problems presented by gay and lesbian couple?

 

In asking these questions, Bepko and Johnson (2000) looked at gay and lesbian couples seeking couple therapy and suggest the problems can be classified as being either internal and/or external to the relationship.  These authors propose that cultural and gender biases come to be reflected in both the internal and the external (contextual) problems experience by gay and lesbian couples.

 

The lesbian/gay couple relationship begins within a context of differentiation, where a person “comes out” to both themselves and another.  Differentiation then becomes a major defining aspect of the individual and the couple relationship, difference in a culture which seeks sameness.  This defining of self as separate from significant others in acted out in a relationship with another that seeks closeness and intimacy.  The dilemma of maintaining separateness and closeness is a stress in the gay/lesbian relationship – great stress/trauma in all relationships deepens already present fractures between the couple.

 

The social and familial support all couple relationships receive can have a determining factor in how well couples are able to negotiate differences within the relationship.  Having a social world allows for comparison so one can begin to decide what it is they want in a relationship.  A world that highlights difference and infer pathologies, a world that compares and critiques difference, places the lesbian/gay relationship in a state of constant self critique and judgment. 

 

For the therapist many problems that lesbian/gay couples present with may appear to be similar to those for heterosexual couples, of handling conflict around attachment, closeness and distance, sexuality, power, and differentiation.  Standard tools of family therapy can be used in working with the gay/lesbian couple, such as family of origin work.  A therapists’ understanding and sensitivity to the unique dilemmas experienced by the gay/lesbian couple, how the cultural predispositions bring about a struggle in the maintenance of a gay/lesbian relationship

Posted in General, Marriage, Mental Health, Communication, Relationships, Therapy, Change | No Comments »

What Price Silence?

Posted by Psych@Bower on 16th June 2008

The recent debate in the media about the artist Bill Henson’s exhibition that included photographs of young naked women of 12 or 13 years has raised spirited debate in the community. A raid by police of the gallery in which they were exhibited, a statement by the Prime Minister that the images were ‘revolting’ and a counter thrust from the former Director of the National Gallery in Melbourne, Peter McCaughey that “The officially sanctioned witch-hunt of him and his work has moved from the embarrassing to the disgraceful” has touched a raw wound in many circles. I have had a number of friends ask me in anxious tones “What do you think about this?” and imagine others have had the same enquiry.

While I could embark on the debate which is aptly perused on the Bower Place Blog, I would like instead to raise another matter. Where in all the media hype about artistic freedom on one hand and pedophilia on the other is the voice of the mental health practitioner, the psychologist, social worker, family therapist, and psychiatrist? Surely we of all people have a more balanced and informed view of these matters. We are the people who see the children many years later who have been party to activities by adults who have invited them to participate in activities that at the time they found harmless, even fun but later evaluate rather differently with the wisdom of adulthood. We are the ones who have research based knowledge of normal, social, psychological and psycho-sexual development and the implications of an adult’s involvement in this. We daily work with the contradictions and uncertainties of relationships and are skilled at picking our way through the mire of alternate explanations.

Are we too frightened to embroil ourselves in a debate where each side makes wild and offensive accusations of the other? Do we consider this beneath us, part of the every-day world that is not our domain? Or would we rather take the role of the bystander, anxious to remain invisible in case speaking up and being noticed turns the fury on us?

So the question stands, the next time someone asks you “What do you think about these pictures of the naked 13year old?” what will you say?

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Thickening the “Middle Ground” - A Way of Working with Re-Coupled Families

Posted by Psych@Bower on 16th June 2008

Reviewing the literature on working with re-married, step or blended families makes for disturbing reading. Most work focuses on the complexity of such arrangements, the loss which inevitably underpins them and the grief and resentment which characterizes the experience of children unwittingly thrown into them. To discover an article which not only proposed a relatively simple way of thinking about these situations and suggestions for therapeutic change was therefore a relief.
Patricia Papernow (1987) proposes the concept of middle ground, “an area of shared experience, shared values and easy co-operative functioning, created over time.” A re-coupled family begins as a collection of already established “mini-families”, each with a different culture, history and rhythm of easily completed interactive cycles. The thickest middle ground exists between parents and their children who share memories, patterns of conflict, play and mutual nourishment which may extend into the wider family system.  While in first time families the couple relationship may be the easiest place to retreat for comfort, understanding and problem-solving, in the re-married family the easier understanding may reside between parents and their children.
Working to thicken the middle ground between the new couple is one way to conceptualize the task of therapy. Seeing the adults alone and inviting in other immediate and extended family member is a way to begin the process by giving them an opportunity to relate without the competition and demands of children. An early step is to lower anxiety which has been precipitated by the awareness of painful differences which cannot be explored due to silence out of fear of conflict or escalating out of control disputes. A therapeutic conversation can allow each person to speak and hear of the very different experience of being in the family. Providing normalizing information, empathizing and supporting can all reduce anxiety.
The act of ‘thickening the middle ground’ is achieved by prescription of shared family rituals, invention of a sense of shared history, planning and negotiating major family gatherings and the establishment of sanctuary time for the couple away from children. Learning to satisfactorily complete a cycle of problem definition, attention to each person’s experience and the achievement of a mutually satisfactory resolution is also crucial. The authors conclude with a positive note “Those who succeed in bridging the chasm exude a sense of vitality and mastery which is rare in first time marriages.”
It’s the first bit of good press I’ve encountered for the beleaguered step-family!
Papernow, P. (1987) “Thickening the “Middle Ground”: Dilemmas and Vulnerabilities of Re-married Couples” Psychotherapy 24, 3S pp630- 639

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Bill Henson’s Photographs

Posted by Psych@Bower on 10th June 2008

The debate over Bill Henson’s photographs has been sidetracked by notions of artistic merit, artistic licence, the obscenity laws, censorship and the issue of paedophilia. Bill Henson’s photographic installation, which includes photographs of naked girls as young as twelve, is the straightforward exploitation of those girls. A twelve or thirteen year-old is not mature enough to give her (or his) fully formed consent, and as such informed consent, to be photographed in this way. No amount of hindsight by her (or him) or anyone else that has been photographed in this way can remedy the consent problem and the consequent problem of exploitation.

This is not an artistic problem and it is clear that the arts community fails to grasp the issue. This is a developmental issue that cannot be resolved by resorting to other moral, artistic or ethical arguments. These girls are simply not old enough to say ‘yes’ to Bill Henson, no matter how innocent or beautiful or artistic they, the photographs or the proposition may be. No parent or guardian is in a position to say ‘yes’ either. Bill Henson is or was misguided and this is simply an error of judgment on his part.

Bill Henson’s intentions cannot help us either. The developmental problem can only be resolved when each girl becomes an adult. When they do become adults, they are no longer twelve or thirteen, and can no longer be photographed naked as twelve or thirteen year-olds.

Exploitation is exploitation be it by an artist or anyone else. Exploitation is exploitation, be it by good intentions or evil.

I take the most benign perspective in this matter and make no claims about Bill Henson. Whilst I do not know Bill Henson I am sure he is a fine man and a fine artist. It is unlikely that he is a paedophile, a supporter of paedophilia, or a supporter of any other form of child abuse or exploitation. In fact I imagine it is highly likely that Bill Henson would find such matters abhorrent.

In short, most of this debate is not about Bill Henson. It is about a blindsided arts community for whom the times have shifted without them noticing. We are no longer in the pre-1980 period when children’s rights barely existed.

I have no knowledge of Bill Henson’s intentions except to note that no one else, apart from Bill Henson, knows about his intentions either. Again, I assume, without any other knowledge, that Bill Henson’s intentions in this matter were entirely noble.

The difficulty is not with what we know but with what we don’t know. We don’t know what the relationship was between Bill Henson and these girls when these photographs were taken. We don’t know what really occurred when these photographs were taken. We don’t know how these girls came to be naked for Bill Henson to photograph them. We don’t know who else was involved in the taking of these photographs or any of the other circumstances in relation to these photographic sessions. We don’t know what other images were taken of these girls and in what form these were taken. We don’t know whether any other people were present and what other images were taken of these girls and in what form.

All we know is what Bill Henson has shown us. Did Bill Henson take other photographs that have less artistic merit than these? Where are the other photographs? Who else has had access to these images? Who else has copies of these photographs? How are these images managed and secured? Who consented to these girls being photographed? Did one or both parents of each girl consent to them being photographed? If only one parent consented, has the other parent ever been informed? What process did Bill Henson go through to obtain such consent? Is that consent in any visible, enduring, form? Who holds that enduring consent? Can that consent be withdrawn by any one of the girls at any time? Does artistic merit override consent? What happens if the consent was obtained under a form of duress not visible to Bill Henson at the time?

A less benign view would lead to a set of more difficult questions for Bill Henson to address. The artistic merit argument assumes a benign relationship between artist and model. This is not always the case.

We do know that, developmentally most twelve and thirteen year-old girls (and boys) in this society are somewhat reluctant to undress and appear naked in front of other people, particularly adults. It is, in developmental terms, certainly odd that these twelve and thirteen year-old girls would undress for Bill Henson and his camera. This immediately raises concerns for many people about this matter and process.

The voices of the arts world avoid addressing the central question and denigrate, as Philistines, those who have legitimate concerns about this matter. The arguments and comparisons put by Denise Ferris, Patrick McCaughey and others are specious. The more legitimate comparison is with Nabokov and Lolita, not with Lawrence and Joyce.

The argument that trawls art history for examples of child and adolescent images to bolster the case for the primacy of artistic merit over child exploitation is also specious. Time does not stand still. We no longer condemn children to the coal mines or the workhouse. The orphanages have been torn down; the walls of the asylum are long gone. The systematic legal and state sanctioned protection of children is, historically, very new in this society. When Nabokov wrote Lolita this society had a different view about children and sexuality. That is true of many of the images referred to by the arts community.

It is time for the arts community, and those who claim to be the voice of that community, to ferret their intellectual and emotional way into the shoes of those who are deeply, and reasonably, concerned about this matter. Many come to this debate with hard won experience about children and adolescents and the issue of their exploitation and abuse. Many practitioners working with children and adolescents who have been gratuitously exploited have dealt with the photographs of naked children and adolescents in a very different context, long before Bill Henson hung his. If any of these photographs, taken out of context, had artistic merit, would they also stand some chance of being hung and getting past the Censor’s cut.

The point is that artistic merit is not, and can never be the first or only point of reference in this matter; that considerations about the protection of children from exploitation and abuse take precedence over artistic merit; that this is not a debate about the obscenity laws and that casting this as an ‘obscenity’ matter does no justice to the issue at all.

Whilst this may be a matter for the ‘Censorship Board’ to examine whether Australia’s ‘obscenity laws’ have been violated, it remains a ‘Child Protection’ matter, that should now be pursued by the responsible State authorities. Child Protection laws are there to protect children, including those photographed by Bill Henson, from exploitation.

In short this is a developmental and jurisdictional issue not settled by the Censor and clearly beyond the intellectual and experiential grasp of those speaking for arts community in this country.

I know that my disquiet over this matter is shared by many of my colleagues who, like me, believe the State should act on the child exploitation issue and not consign this to a fringe ‘obscenity’ question.

Malcolm Robinson

Director

Bower Place

Psychology, Psychiatry and Family Therapy

Adelaide SA

Posted in General, Adolescence | No Comments »

The Perfect Mother, the Ugly Step- Mother and the Pathetic Father

Posted by Psych@Bower on 3rd June 2008

The Fate of Step Families

Q. What do Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel and Snow White have in common?

A. They all had perfect mothers, ugly step-mothers and pathetic fathers.

This is the fate of stepfamilies and given this bad press it is little wonder that while the divorce rate in first time marriages stands at 45- 50% for step-families it is a disturbing 65% to 70%. Some statistics place it even higher with 76 % of second marriages failing within five years, 87 % of third marriages failing and 93 % of fourth marriages ending in divorce within five years.

 Given this, it is surprising that most adults entering a step, reconstituted, blended, instant, re-married or synergistic family do so with such naïve optimism. John S. Vischer in his paper “Step-Families : A Work in Progress” writes of his own entry into such a family “ We were so starry eyed it never occurred to us that the children weren’t as thrilled about everything that was going on as we were….We thought everything would go smoothly after a brief period. We thought our children would be automatically happy because we were happy”

In understanding the difficulties faced by these families Vischer turns to the idea of basis human needs; the need to be cared about, accepted and loved, to maintain secure attachments to special individuals, to belong to a group and not be a stranger and to have personal autonomy and control. By definition, he suggests, at least initially, the structure of step-families prevents these needs being met. Based on this understanding he then makes suggestions for guidelines to help the new family’s integration.

The paper finishes on a positive note with the statement “With your help there can be a multitude of healthy step-families for the 21st century!”

Posted in General, Marriage, Communication, Relationships, Therapy | No Comments »